Whats was on my mind at 7am..

I have always felt some sort of way about getting in front of a crowded room and saying my poetry.. Even though Steve talked me into doing open mic nights plenty of times and I did it.. I loved it.. But I could never be fluid enough to me.. I can study my words constantly but it would never come out the way it is supposed to. I would get nervous and sweaty and at the last minute I don't want to do it. But then I think well they called my name and I would look like a major punk if I dont. So I would do it and the poem would be great but the delivery would be the worst. I know it was or maybe I am just too hard on myself. Don't get it twisted I was born with a pen in my hand and I went to sleep with paper as my pillow. I have always like writing since I first heard Nikki Giovanni in third grade. When I grew up I wanted to be a famous writer. Hell my grand daddy even told me I was good :) . But for some reason I am so jealous of those that can stand up and speak their words with such precision and it just rolls of their tongues.  I have a few friends that I can watch them over and over again. Every time I hear my husband do his thing I fall in love with him that much more. He really does inspire me to do better. To write more. You see when I write it isn't always about love. I write about everything, love, I don't really like you, I remembers, at this moments. I write what I feel. I dream of writing. But by the time I wake up the words are gone. Maybe I can invent a machine that would transcribe my dreams that way the words will never leave me.

I have always felt some sort of way about getting in front of a crowd and saying whats on my mind. But you just made it that much better. And one day I will be able to tell you all this in person.