Change

Change.. I don't like change and for some reason every time I turn around there is CHANGE knocking his hairy knuckles at my door yet again.. I don't take to it very well.. You may say well you moved across country, got married, started a business, and moved back across the country.. But what you don't know that I will tell you is I was nervous to say the least.. The only time my life took to change was my wedding day.. But when I were to move across country was a different story.. I got to the airport I wanted to turn around.. I almost did.. The longer I waited for my flight, the longer I had to change my mind. But I didn't.. And it was the one of best moves of my life..

Well the reason for this blog is because today change has come again.. I have had a hearing disability since I was a child.. I should have gotten hearing aids a long time ago. I have had years of deciding and researching the different ones. The Behind the Ear, the Inner Ear, the Cochlear Implant, Mini Behind the Ear, In the Canal, and Completely in Canal.  Growing up I didn't want the ones that sits behind my ears because of my insecurities, and I didn't want anyone to know. You tell someone you have a hearing disability  they talk louder.. You tell someone that you can read lips they then act stupid and start watching their own lips to see what I'm seeing.. LOL.. So I stopped telling people. When I was in school I would always have to sit up front and let the teach or professor know what my situation was, but then I could see that they weren't going to cater to my needs so I would move to the back of the room and revel in my feelings.  As I grew older I stopped going into situations where I would meet new people or be in an environment where I would feel overwhelmed. I tend to shy away a lot. I also tend to not put myself in places or situations where I am going to feel low.

I really don't like going to movies or looking at tv with others. I have become a little antisocial in my own home. If I am not working, I am in my room watching tv. If I watch normal tv I have to have to closed captions on the tv otherwise, I feel out of place. I realized I started depending on my dogs more and more. You see we have a dog that has self trained his self to my needs. He lets me know when someone is at the door, he is mindful not to bark just because unless he is outside. He lets me know if a child or baby is crying. Yes he is a great dog but it is time to give him a vacation.

I am going to say this again I dont like change at all.. But today my life will change yet again.. I will be able to hear what you may hear or want to hear. I am picking up my hearing aids. This is huge for me because I have been running from them for at least 20 years. My stomach has been in knots all morning and I have even talked to my husband about backing out, and just getting our money back for them. I was told "NO".. Yeah I know right, just like that.. I know he means well and he knows I don't mean that I don't want them. I just don't like change and not knowing how everything is going to be. He knows how I have been looking forward to this but again the issue is change.. What if it is too much, what if I get overwhelmed (because that does happen), what if, what if, what if, and a bunch more what ifs.. But nonetheless Its happening..