Fear

Fear cripples us. You may say wow she jumped right out with it. Well yes. Fear is one of our handicaps. Our kryptonite for my superman fans. It causes us to hold back and not accomplish what we want because we are afraid. Fear isn't a bad thing unless you don't face it. I for one am afraid of change and failure. And I have went through a lot of change in the past few years alone. I had a fear of becoming someone's wife, of becoming a parent, of having my own business, of letting things go, moving, getting hearing aids, and the list goes on. As you can see my fear was change.

I feared that I wouldn't be a good wife but, I couldn't see myself as anything other than Steve's wife. I didn't have to be pushed blindfolded off that metaphorical cliff. With him standing by my side I wouldn't have been able to be scared. He calms me more than he knows.

I feared of becoming someone's mother.. I have a terrific step son. But what I'm speaking of is a child with my genes. The thing that my fear was attached to was my hearing loss and it being passed down. For years I didn't acknowledge it. I adapted and figured I was doing great but I didn't want to subject a child to it. I didn't want hearing aids because then my secret would be out. Hell I liked it when people thought I was a great listener instead of knowing I was reading their lips. I didn't want my child to be raised with a "defect" as I saw it. But when I met and fell in love with my husband I couldn't think of anything else. I mean my amazing mother raised me and I turn out amazingly terrific if I should say so myself. Steve along with my mother talked me into hearing aids. You see I wear glasses and have been wearing them for what seems like forever.. Whats the difference right? I still didn't want anyone to know my secret but hey every super hero has a secret right.

One of my biggest fears was moving clear across the country from my mother. You see one thing many that knows me knows I'm a mommas girl. That fear of leaving my mothers nest. Now don't get me wrong I have moved a lot. The cross country move wouldn't have been the first time I moved away from my mom. But the others were closer moves to where if I needed to it was only a 2-3 hr drive back home. I was at the airport on the day I left trying to come up with a reason as to why I shouldn't leave. I wasn't leaving to start a new job but to start a new life with Steve. But again Steve was there as it seems like he always is. FEAR of something new.

Now the biggest fear I have ever had in my life is starting a business. That fear wasn't due to change by more so due to failure. There were so many questions in my head. Were we ready? What if no one likes what we put out? What if no one buys? What if my vision is wrong? And so many more what ifs. I wish I could tell you that once again Steve didn't have to blindfold me and push me off that cliff. But he did and that push was hard. What I learned is, failure is nothing bad. What is bad about the fear of failure is letting it control how you react to it.

I have learned that fear will always lurk in the shadows of the unknown.  Change and failure are my Achilles heel, my kryptonite when it comes to my fears. But if you push through the fear, granted it isn't easy at all. There may be some hyperventilating, a lot of tears, many restless nights. But that is your breaking point. Keep pushing or find your Steve who is always willing to push you off that cliff. Face your fears.