My Realty

Your perception is not my reality. My reality lies behind the depths of my eyes. You know they say that your eyes are the windows to our souls.  At times we try to deny whats in front of us to the point we start to believe our own lies.  I have come to the realization that when I'm sleeping or tired or just when my inhibitions are down there is a veil that is lifted. I see things and have dreams that 9 times out of 10 comes true. I have been like this since I was a child and it still scares me. I never know how to react to it. Lets take last night for instance. My uncle passed 7 years ago. I have dreams of him and others often. I love seeing them when I'm having a not so good day it eases my mind.  But yesterday was different. I had a great day. I worked, wrote, thought to myself, and did yoga and left it all on the mat. Well when I went to sleep last night I wasn't thinking of my Uncle Jimmy not because he isn't here but, because I was thinking more about the hair blog I had just written. But somehow we ended up on my grandmother's porch in Philadelphia.  We were laughing and talking like we used to do. Then he told me he had to go. I woke up with my chest feeling heavy. And said to myself I need to call him. I proceeded to pick up the phone turned it on and his picture was staring back at me.  I was on facebook and my Aunt Dee posted a message about today being his birthday. I dont remember birthdays but I can remember deaths. Where I was, who I was with, what dream I had. Yes, my reality. Kind of morbid but its mine. There are a lot of people who are like me but like me they deny it. Dont want to see it for what it is. It depresses you. Well I know it does me.   Not really knowing if the dream you had is truth or just that... a dream. So as I am typing this out tears are rolling because I said I will do a better job of being truthful with myself and blog to myself more. I dont know if anyone reads my words other than me. But this is my reality not the perception of what I want people to see of me. Each time I write a blog, poem, or do anything with my heart in it, I lay a piece of my soul along with it. Welcome to my reality......