Sunday Thats it just Sunday...

I deactivated my Facebook page on the 29th of February, and I don't feel the need to go on and be on it as much as I was. It takes a lot of time out of your day to read a bunch of nothingness.  The reason behind the whole not being on Fb was mainly to develop and put more time into my business venture. And So far it is going well. I will be back later on in the week to speak more to you about what else is going on in my life... But for now just relax and don't indulge in anything that will make you feel drained in the end..

My Life

Ok so me and the Mr have talked about me giving up twitter and FB at the end of the month.. So I have already deactivated my twitter and FB will be deactivated on the 1st.. He will post my blogs.. But I can be doing so much more with my life than I am doing right now.. I haven't been writing as much as I should.. Ever since social media came into play I haven't interacted with people, real people like I used to.. I will blog more.. My mind will serve a better purpose.. It is easy to get a hold of me but for some reason I have dumbed down my way of living.. I have made myself believe that social media is keeping me in contact with my family and friends.. But it really isn't.. We don't call each other like we used to.. It does serve it purpose when it comes to seeing pictures of different events that I was unable to attend.. I want more for me than just sitting in front of my laptop screen reading about other peoples lives.. Or lack there of..

I will do much more with my time.. I will spend it with my dogs, writing, being a better wife, exercising ( ok I will try), and coming up with other ideas to combat my boredom.. See you, talk to you, skype with you, IM with you later..

Until next time.. 

Whats was on my mind at 7am..

I have always felt some sort of way about getting in front of a crowded room and saying my poetry.. Even though Steve talked me into doing open mic nights plenty of times and I did it.. I loved it.. But I could never be fluid enough to me.. I can study my words constantly but it would never come out the way it is supposed to. I would get nervous and sweaty and at the last minute I don't want to do it. But then I think well they called my name and I would look like a major punk if I dont. So I would do it and the poem would be great but the delivery would be the worst. I know it was or maybe I am just too hard on myself. Don't get it twisted I was born with a pen in my hand and I went to sleep with paper as my pillow. I have always like writing since I first heard Nikki Giovanni in third grade. When I grew up I wanted to be a famous writer. Hell my grand daddy even told me I was good :) . But for some reason I am so jealous of those that can stand up and speak their words with such precision and it just rolls of their tongues.  I have a few friends that I can watch them over and over again. Every time I hear my husband do his thing I fall in love with him that much more. He really does inspire me to do better. To write more. You see when I write it isn't always about love. I write about everything, love, I don't really like you, I remembers, at this moments. I write what I feel. I dream of writing. But by the time I wake up the words are gone. Maybe I can invent a machine that would transcribe my dreams that way the words will never leave me.

I have always felt some sort of way about getting in front of a crowd and saying whats on my mind. But you just made it that much better. And one day I will be able to tell you all this in person.

VAlentines Day

When we were little every year my mom would get me and my brother something small and a box of those hard stale candy hearts, and a 99 cent card.. Oh and we would have cupcakes.. I loved it.. As you grow older certain holidays seem a little different.. As you have kids you remember how your parents were able to make anything seem huge... That box of hearts and my 2 dollar toy was everything to me then.. And thinking back on it it is still everything to me.. I remember one year my mom decided to get me a carebear cousin Losta Heart Elephant and got my brother one as well.. But she got him one that seemed more boyish like the brave heart lion.. It wasn't until recently that I was reminded of it.. Yes I still have all of my stuff animals.. But the thing is parents are your first valentines, then you dump them for some boy or girl in elementary school.. But your mom will never stop giving you love and to me thats what Valentines is all about.. The love.. But at this stage in my life I don't see it as a holiday.. Not for me anyway.. As I got older and worked in retail I saw how commercial it has become.. Everything goes on sale.. Perfume, you get mailers in the mail from jewelry stores, females look to get engaged on this day.. And get mad if he got her something else.. Maybe it was always that way, but I never saw it as a kid because to me it just meant a 99 cent card, a stale box of heart, and a small toy.. And love from my mom..

Maybe when I have children I to will give them lil things on this day.. We will see.. :)

Ok so today I have decided to start a cup cake business.. I know how you going to sell cupcakes when all you do is eat them... I am a great baker, and I will just have to learn that everything I bake I don't always have to eat. Yeah right we will see how that comes about.. Well today is my first day of the rest of my life.. And So far so good.. Lets see what tomorrow will bring..

Greatest Love Story

My mind is blocked. I have tried to write so many times and yet when the pen is in hand and the paper is under it the pen wont seem to move or better yet it cant move. I know I have plenty of things to write about, like love, hurt, disappointments, and just plain life. And yet my mind is blocked. I know I can never get tired of reading a good love story, or a poem about love, but I just cant seem to get the words out to write about them. I haven't written a good "I really don't like you right now" type poem in a long time. I guess you can say it is a good thing. I have been trying to get my stuff together but it is hard. Mainly because if I try to and get it together I will have to finally admit it is in the shitter.. For the past 3 years or so I have written at least 50 poems and started 3 or 4 books. I just cant seem to finish them. I want to write the greatest love story ever told. And yet every time I want to write the "When Harry met Sally" but on a better, or the Notebook but on a different scale. I want to write about when boy meets girl, boy falls for girl, girl falls for boy and they love each other until the end.. They have their forever. I want the Jack and Jill where the guy is always by my side and I forever by his type of story. As I have said I want to greatest love story ever told. I want my love to be my best friend a person that I know I can count on throughout any and everything. In order for me to write a story like that, I have to believe in a story like that that. I would love to completely believe that there are no heart aches , lies, or disappointments. I don't know if there has to be those but in order for life to go on there has to be right. I mean before you know you have that kind of love aren't there supposed to test to prove that it is what it is. Or as some people say signs of the heart. I mean isn't that what love is supposed to be about sacrifices, along with trials and tribulations. I will write the greatest story ever written and when I do, will you read it too..

New Year

I know I am kind of late when it comes to writing about the new year.. But a lot has happened for me with me since the year started. I brought in the New Year with some great friends, but the next day I was rush to the hospital with pains in my stomach. It was then that I was told that I needed to have a Myomectomy.. What that is in plain english surgery. They would open up my stomach and take out a large fibroid. Now some people don't know this but I have had fibroids in my stomach just hanging out with my uterus for a year, well I found out a year ago. I have been to 4 doctors since learning of me having them. The first two after my doctor found them told me that I needed to have a hysterectomy, I was devastated being as though I was only 30 years old with no children at all. Then I said I will get a 3rd opinion, well doctors 3 and 4 told me I will need to get a partial hysterectomy. I wasn't as devastated because to me that was progress. To some it may not seem like it but that meant that I will still be able to have children just wont be able to carry it. But once I was rushed to the hospital twice in a week I was told all I needed was a Myomectomy. All they would do is go in and just take out the fibroid they would touch anything else in my body. It was like a weight lifted off of me. Now came the big part of it all. I was so nervous and so scared, it was my first major surgery and I didn't know what to expect. I have seen so many tv shows where things went wrong in the hospital but this was something I had to do. So I was told that it wasn't just one fibroid but two the size of grapefruits, one was on my uterus the other was on my stomach. I have always known I had great family and friends, but it really helped that I had some people here for me besides my Mom, being as though the rest of my family is in Philly. So I had the surgery and have been losing my mind but all in all I am a lot better. So I started out this year with surgery, a lost of 15 lbs and a new view on my life.. I just want to get out of bed so I can enjoy it..