I grew up

Growing up... Some of us don't have a choice in the matter but then some fight it to the death. I was raised in a village of people.. You know the saying it takes a village to raise a child well my family was my village. We had video games like atari, vextrek, nintendo but we were outside more than we were inside the house playing the games. We didn't have cell phones we had the rotary phone that took 5mins just to dial out and please don't mess up and have to start over again. We grew up on a block where even though we weren't all family, we were family... When it rained my mother would make cookies and my brother and I would sit on our porch and watch the rain with our friends and just enjoyed our childhood.. I don't remember when I wanted to grow up. I don't remember when I couldn't wait to be grown. But here we are 20+ years later grown. Some of us have our own children and we look at them and laugh. They are now us not knowing what the future may hold but know it will be bright.

Change

Change.. I don't like change and for some reason every time I turn around there is CHANGE knocking his hairy knuckles at my door yet again.. I don't take to it very well.. You may say well you moved across country, got married, started a business, and moved back across the country.. But what you don't know that I will tell you is I was nervous to say the least.. The only time my life took to change was my wedding day.. But when I were to move across country was a different story.. I got to the airport I wanted to turn around.. I almost did.. The longer I waited for my flight, the longer I had to change my mind. But I didn't.. And it was the one of best moves of my life..

Well the reason for this blog is because today change has come again.. I have had a hearing disability since I was a child.. I should have gotten hearing aids a long time ago. I have had years of deciding and researching the different ones. The Behind the Ear, the Inner Ear, the Cochlear Implant, Mini Behind the Ear, In the Canal, and Completely in Canal.  Growing up I didn't want the ones that sits behind my ears because of my insecurities, and I didn't want anyone to know. You tell someone you have a hearing disability  they talk louder.. You tell someone that you can read lips they then act stupid and start watching their own lips to see what I'm seeing.. LOL.. So I stopped telling people. When I was in school I would always have to sit up front and let the teach or professor know what my situation was, but then I could see that they weren't going to cater to my needs so I would move to the back of the room and revel in my feelings.  As I grew older I stopped going into situations where I would meet new people or be in an environment where I would feel overwhelmed. I tend to shy away a lot. I also tend to not put myself in places or situations where I am going to feel low.

I really don't like going to movies or looking at tv with others. I have become a little antisocial in my own home. If I am not working, I am in my room watching tv. If I watch normal tv I have to have to closed captions on the tv otherwise, I feel out of place. I realized I started depending on my dogs more and more. You see we have a dog that has self trained his self to my needs. He lets me know when someone is at the door, he is mindful not to bark just because unless he is outside. He lets me know if a child or baby is crying. Yes he is a great dog but it is time to give him a vacation.

I am going to say this again I dont like change at all.. But today my life will change yet again.. I will be able to hear what you may hear or want to hear. I am picking up my hearing aids. This is huge for me because I have been running from them for at least 20 years. My stomach has been in knots all morning and I have even talked to my husband about backing out, and just getting our money back for them. I was told "NO".. Yeah I know right, just like that.. I know he means well and he knows I don't mean that I don't want them. I just don't like change and not knowing how everything is going to be. He knows how I have been looking forward to this but again the issue is change.. What if it is too much, what if I get overwhelmed (because that does happen), what if, what if, what if, and a bunch more what ifs.. But nonetheless Its happening..

Happy Mothers Day

As Mothers day is upon us it makes me think back to my childhood. I think of the way my mother raised my brother and I with the help of my grandmother and grandfather. I think of my friends who has lost their mothers and I would volunteer my mother in a heartbeat. I don't know what it is like to loose the one person that no matter what happens in my life I can call her when I want to tell her a story, a joke, or just to hear her voice. My mother is a really cool chick.. She raised us and taught us how to be adults who will be parents and how to deal with certain things in life even when we didn't realize it then, trust me we know it now. My mom let us be kids and she scarificed so we didn't want or need for anything. She my have missed out on sports events but I was ok because we understood. My mother would joke with us and be silly with us.. Lawd my mom tried to teach me how to whop.. Yeah she as wrong. Hahahaha.. Just thinking back to that day makes me smile, hell even laugh out loud. I moved away but in my heart I really didn't. I still talk to and laugh with her everyday sometimes quite a few times a day, ok most times its a lot.. My mother is one friend that I can tell my most embarassing moments to and we will laugh. Or I will call her and say let me tell you the stupid things I did.. She knows when something is bothering me, and when I'm not feeling like myself I know I can call her and she will snap me out of what ever funk I'm in.  She is my mother everyday but I will loan her to you just so you can experience her awsomeness, greatness and love that she has for us and everyone she comes across, well mostly everyone.. haha.. She taught me what it means to be a mother. And if I can only be a fraction of what she is when I have children I will be a great one. So tomorrow if your feeling sad just think back on the silly times and smile.

Happy Mothers Day Shortie...

Baking

I have been baking up a storm lately.. I guess that's a great thing since I decided to open up a cupcake compay.. But cupcakes aren't all I will have available. I will be shipping orders as well.. Lately I have been baking bread and pretzels.. Tonight I made sme bread sticks to go along with cheddar broccoli soup and both are delicious. These past week I have made carrot cake cookies, chocolate chip cookies, vegan lemon cupcakes, oreo cupcakes and so much more. I will be excited to introduce my company to the world soon enough.

When I was younger I walked to school in....

When I was younger I had to walk to school in a blizzard. No we really did.. LOL.. And a loaf of bread was a dollar and gas was like 65 cents a gallon. Growing up we have dreams and wishes. We have games that we play, and some we win and some we loose.. And some we loose really badly. We are taught lessons, some we learn and some we are still learning.. But when I think back to when I was growing up I would have never thought I would be right here.. Thinking back to the game MASH.. I married the man of my dreams, have a great home in the place I have always picked (Just somewhere warm), and what Cam has always picked a bus pass.. LOL.. But I couldn't be more ecstatic.. I cant see me being much more happy than this moment. As I look back on my life I was taught so many things, and yet I am still trying to learn them all.. I look back to when we used to play hide and seek on 23rd street, or race from one light pole to the other.. Build igloos under the porch when it snowed a lot. Sit on the porch and play vextrex. Watch the rain fall while eating ice cream and cookies. These are my happy memories and I have a hell of a lot more. The world I grew up in is not here any longer.. The music is different, the attitudes of people and parents are different. The people are different. The world truly is different. While growing up my mother would play music on her record player and we would jam.. I didn't start listening to rap until I was way older. But the lessons of love and life were there. Now music is garbage. I understand what my parents must have felt when our generation of music came out because I have a great disdain for this generation of music that is out now. Maybe the world is the same as it has been, when we get older we are quick to say "when I was younger" Man I cant tell you how many of those stories I heard.. But I find myself saying them now. Maybe the world is the same and I am the one that changed. Maybe the lessons that I was taught made my views change. Maybe I was sheltered in a way. But either way I am proud to say I have become one of those "when I was growing up" people.

Thinking

As I sit here in the Sprint store I look back on this past year and how everything worked out.. And I noticed I am smiling and everyone here proberbly thinks I'm crazy. But a little less than nine months ago I got married and became a Clark. I am honored to take this name, because with the name I also got a husband, a step-son, a couple more sisters, and other family members that comes along with him.

But man no one tells you it will be easy.. They tell you to never go to bed mad but that goes out the window when your mad and sleepy.. "They" seem to say a lot. "They" always seem to be lurking on blogs and married people groups... But we never see who these so called "they" people are. You love your spouse with all your heart, but they don't tell you there will be days where you don't like them or anything they say or do. But you will stand in the biggest wind storm right next to them holding their hand.

People don't realize that getting married won't make things better. But what it does is magnify everything times 1000. So if you had problems before you got married they are still there. That smile he/she flashed will get old... The tantrum she used to throw when she doesn't get her way, will no longer be cute.. This isn't easy, and everyday I'm learning more about myself as well as him. You never fully understand or know someone no matter how long you may have been together.

Relationships aren't easy at times but hell a marriage is hard work. What you put into your marriage is what you get... I don't claim to be an expert on marriages or relationships, and I don't claim to be an expert on mine.. What I'm telling you is "THEY" don't really know what works for you, only you know for sure what works for you. So don't listen to they, or your friends.. Listen to you and your spouse.. Y'all are the only ones in your relationship or marriage.

Sunday Thats it just Sunday...

I deactivated my Facebook page on the 29th of February, and I don't feel the need to go on and be on it as much as I was. It takes a lot of time out of your day to read a bunch of nothingness.  The reason behind the whole not being on Fb was mainly to develop and put more time into my business venture. And So far it is going well. I will be back later on in the week to speak more to you about what else is going on in my life... But for now just relax and don't indulge in anything that will make you feel drained in the end..