My Realty

Your perception is not my reality. My reality lies behind the depths of my eyes. You know they say that your eyes are the windows to our souls.  At times we try to deny whats in front of us to the point we start to believe our own lies.  I have come to the realization that when I'm sleeping or tired or just when my inhibitions are down there is a veil that is lifted. I see things and have dreams that 9 times out of 10 comes true. I have been like this since I was a child and it still scares me. I never know how to react to it. Lets take last night for instance. My uncle passed 7 years ago. I have dreams of him and others often. I love seeing them when I'm having a not so good day it eases my mind.  But yesterday was different. I had a great day. I worked, wrote, thought to myself, and did yoga and left it all on the mat. Well when I went to sleep last night I wasn't thinking of my Uncle Jimmy not because he isn't here but, because I was thinking more about the hair blog I had just written. But somehow we ended up on my grandmother's porch in Philadelphia.  We were laughing and talking like we used to do. Then he told me he had to go. I woke up with my chest feeling heavy. And said to myself I need to call him. I proceeded to pick up the phone turned it on and his picture was staring back at me.  I was on facebook and my Aunt Dee posted a message about today being his birthday. I dont remember birthdays but I can remember deaths. Where I was, who I was with, what dream I had. Yes, my reality. Kind of morbid but its mine. There are a lot of people who are like me but like me they deny it. Dont want to see it for what it is. It depresses you. Well I know it does me.   Not really knowing if the dream you had is truth or just that... a dream. So as I am typing this out tears are rolling because I said I will do a better job of being truthful with myself and blog to myself more. I dont know if anyone reads my words other than me. But this is my reality not the perception of what I want people to see of me. Each time I write a blog, poem, or do anything with my heart in it, I lay a piece of my soul along with it. Welcome to my reality......

Garvey

A little over 4 months ago we we welcomed a new puppy into our home. Some may say why, but I believe there is a reason for everything that happens. You see for so long I have denied the idea whenever he brought up the subject of getting a new dog. We have two dogs already. We have Ginger and Davidson. So when I decided to say yeah I was a little surprised myself. Even the day we went to go pick up Garvey it was still like I can say never mind at any point. But once I saw him I just couldn't say that no matter what we went through tobget him.

When we got him he was 4months old and 14 lbs. If your not familiar with German Shepherds he was severely underweight. But with time and an adjustment period he was able to fit right in with the rest of our pack. He now weighs 57 lbs. When he came to us you were able to see his rib cage. And with this not being our first dog we realized there was a lot of work that we needed to do with him.  He is the sweetest puppy. We will keep everyone updated as he grows with us. 

yoga

Someone once told me that Yoga isn't a real workout. Or better yet a workout at all.. Well I have been doing yoga for a lil while now and I will tell you that it is a work out. It stretches your muscles that you never knew you had. It isn't just a workout for the physical but the mental as well. When I am having a day from hell which isn't often I walk to my Yoga studio and leave it on the mat. 

When I say I leave it on the mat.. One thing I have realized is when running a business your mind is always going. There is always formulations, ingredients, questions, blogs everything going through your mind. Well when you walk into the studio your mind goes blank. When I get on that mat it is all gone. My mind goes blank and I think of nothing more than that next move. Sometimes the pain of the previous move. The more you breathe you can go farther. It is kind of like life itself. You breathe you can go deeper. It's more about conquering  the fear of those I cants and the unwavering fear of the unknown. It isn't about the pose or what the next person is doing. It isn't a competition. The only competition is you and your head space. Once you get out of your own head and breathe you will be ok. As long as you push your self pass your own limits each time you will get it. 

Fear

Fear cripples us. You may say wow she jumped right out with it. Well yes. Fear is one of our handicaps. Our kryptonite for my superman fans. It causes us to hold back and not accomplish what we want because we are afraid. Fear isn't a bad thing unless you don't face it. I for one am afraid of change and failure. And I have went through a lot of change in the past few years alone. I had a fear of becoming someone's wife, of becoming a parent, of having my own business, of letting things go, moving, getting hearing aids, and the list goes on. As you can see my fear was change.

I feared that I wouldn't be a good wife but, I couldn't see myself as anything other than Steve's wife. I didn't have to be pushed blindfolded off that metaphorical cliff. With him standing by my side I wouldn't have been able to be scared. He calms me more than he knows.

I feared of becoming someone's mother.. I have a terrific step son. But what I'm speaking of is a child with my genes. The thing that my fear was attached to was my hearing loss and it being passed down. For years I didn't acknowledge it. I adapted and figured I was doing great but I didn't want to subject a child to it. I didn't want hearing aids because then my secret would be out. Hell I liked it when people thought I was a great listener instead of knowing I was reading their lips. I didn't want my child to be raised with a "defect" as I saw it. But when I met and fell in love with my husband I couldn't think of anything else. I mean my amazing mother raised me and I turn out amazingly terrific if I should say so myself. Steve along with my mother talked me into hearing aids. You see I wear glasses and have been wearing them for what seems like forever.. Whats the difference right? I still didn't want anyone to know my secret but hey every super hero has a secret right.

One of my biggest fears was moving clear across the country from my mother. You see one thing many that knows me knows I'm a mommas girl. That fear of leaving my mothers nest. Now don't get me wrong I have moved a lot. The cross country move wouldn't have been the first time I moved away from my mom. But the others were closer moves to where if I needed to it was only a 2-3 hr drive back home. I was at the airport on the day I left trying to come up with a reason as to why I shouldn't leave. I wasn't leaving to start a new job but to start a new life with Steve. But again Steve was there as it seems like he always is. FEAR of something new.

Now the biggest fear I have ever had in my life is starting a business. That fear wasn't due to change by more so due to failure. There were so many questions in my head. Were we ready? What if no one likes what we put out? What if no one buys? What if my vision is wrong? And so many more what ifs. I wish I could tell you that once again Steve didn't have to blindfold me and push me off that cliff. But he did and that push was hard. What I learned is, failure is nothing bad. What is bad about the fear of failure is letting it control how you react to it.

I have learned that fear will always lurk in the shadows of the unknown.  Change and failure are my Achilles heel, my kryptonite when it comes to my fears. But if you push through the fear, granted it isn't easy at all. There may be some hyperventilating, a lot of tears, many restless nights. But that is your breaking point. Keep pushing or find your Steve who is always willing to push you off that cliff. Face your fears.

How do you see life

I heard a line in a song "just because you have a nightmare you don't stop dreaming".. Meaning just because things didn't go the way you expected them to you dont give up.  I dont think when you failed at one thing, you should give up on everything. We tend to over think things or put ourselves down in so many ways that we tend to not realize it. 

Life is full of failed moments and moments we succeed in. Life is full of those deep down lows and those really high highs. The moment that we don't learn from a failed moment we have failed ourselves. We should look at each day as a new moment to learn from what we did or even didn't do yesterday. It's kind of like a business you may not have done a formulation right, you don't stop because it came out wrong you trace your steps and redo it differently. And from that your are succeeding better than you did when you started out.

In life you have to make it in your mind that failure isn't an option.  I put this practice into everything I do. Whether it is business, yoga, relationships, or just life itself.. I adjust and readjust to how I need things to go. Now dont get me wrong failure will happen in relationships just make sure it isn't your failure.

How do you see your life?? 

My New Change

Last week I wrote a post about change. Well this is week one of my change.. I picked up my hearing aids and had them adjusted. As I walked out of Costco and didnt realize it but my brain was paying close attention to every sound that was being made. The birds singing in the trees, women walking in high heels, the turn signal in the car, just so many sounds.. One that will never escape me is our dogs nails on the floor, or my small dogs whimper to go out to relieve herself.

There are sounds that many hearing take for granted. You dont realize that those that have been hearing have been tuning out sounds, As well as those of us that aren't hearing so well dont realize how much we are missing. You see when I used to wonder what it sounds like to hear rain fall. Now I can hear it and it makes me smile. But dont get me wrong there are downsides. The loud restaurant that wasn't loud before, has become very much overwhelming.  You find yourself first turning them down then muting them all together.

Overwhelming to hear the roar of the airplane, or the annoying voice of that pesky flight attendant, or even that one child that cries the whole 2 hrs of a flight. Those sounds that you could never hear before and now they are all coming through your brain all at once.. Yes it can be overwhelming. There is a good side to it all.. The key word MUTE.  When you get overwhelmed turn it down til your comfortable or just mute it and breathe deep.

There is a lot of things I have to get used to like instead of turning my hearing aids down, I should in turn turn the tv down. I have to remember that not all sounds are for me. There are times when I should just pay attention and zero in on what I need to hear and not all that is around me to hear. I have to retrain my brain to know the sound of my voice and to understand certain consonants.

Hearing Aids are to aid you in hearing better, they will not act as glass and correct your hearing. Remember that tones and pitches will still be a problem for some. But with the help of your audiologist they will fine tune them to fit your needs.

I grew up

Growing up... Some of us don't have a choice in the matter but then some fight it to the death. I was raised in a village of people.. You know the saying it takes a village to raise a child well my family was my village. We had video games like atari, vextrek, nintendo but we were outside more than we were inside the house playing the games. We didn't have cell phones we had the rotary phone that took 5mins just to dial out and please don't mess up and have to start over again. We grew up on a block where even though we weren't all family, we were family... When it rained my mother would make cookies and my brother and I would sit on our porch and watch the rain with our friends and just enjoyed our childhood.. I don't remember when I wanted to grow up. I don't remember when I couldn't wait to be grown. But here we are 20+ years later grown. Some of us have our own children and we look at them and laugh. They are now us not knowing what the future may hold but know it will be bright.

Change

Change.. I don't like change and for some reason every time I turn around there is CHANGE knocking his hairy knuckles at my door yet again.. I don't take to it very well.. You may say well you moved across country, got married, started a business, and moved back across the country.. But what you don't know that I will tell you is I was nervous to say the least.. The only time my life took to change was my wedding day.. But when I were to move across country was a different story.. I got to the airport I wanted to turn around.. I almost did.. The longer I waited for my flight, the longer I had to change my mind. But I didn't.. And it was the one of best moves of my life..

Well the reason for this blog is because today change has come again.. I have had a hearing disability since I was a child.. I should have gotten hearing aids a long time ago. I have had years of deciding and researching the different ones. The Behind the Ear, the Inner Ear, the Cochlear Implant, Mini Behind the Ear, In the Canal, and Completely in Canal.  Growing up I didn't want the ones that sits behind my ears because of my insecurities, and I didn't want anyone to know. You tell someone you have a hearing disability  they talk louder.. You tell someone that you can read lips they then act stupid and start watching their own lips to see what I'm seeing.. LOL.. So I stopped telling people. When I was in school I would always have to sit up front and let the teach or professor know what my situation was, but then I could see that they weren't going to cater to my needs so I would move to the back of the room and revel in my feelings.  As I grew older I stopped going into situations where I would meet new people or be in an environment where I would feel overwhelmed. I tend to shy away a lot. I also tend to not put myself in places or situations where I am going to feel low.

I really don't like going to movies or looking at tv with others. I have become a little antisocial in my own home. If I am not working, I am in my room watching tv. If I watch normal tv I have to have to closed captions on the tv otherwise, I feel out of place. I realized I started depending on my dogs more and more. You see we have a dog that has self trained his self to my needs. He lets me know when someone is at the door, he is mindful not to bark just because unless he is outside. He lets me know if a child or baby is crying. Yes he is a great dog but it is time to give him a vacation.

I am going to say this again I dont like change at all.. But today my life will change yet again.. I will be able to hear what you may hear or want to hear. I am picking up my hearing aids. This is huge for me because I have been running from them for at least 20 years. My stomach has been in knots all morning and I have even talked to my husband about backing out, and just getting our money back for them. I was told "NO".. Yeah I know right, just like that.. I know he means well and he knows I don't mean that I don't want them. I just don't like change and not knowing how everything is going to be. He knows how I have been looking forward to this but again the issue is change.. What if it is too much, what if I get overwhelmed (because that does happen), what if, what if, what if, and a bunch more what ifs.. But nonetheless Its happening..

Happy Mothers Day

As Mothers day is upon us it makes me think back to my childhood. I think of the way my mother raised my brother and I with the help of my grandmother and grandfather. I think of my friends who has lost their mothers and I would volunteer my mother in a heartbeat. I don't know what it is like to loose the one person that no matter what happens in my life I can call her when I want to tell her a story, a joke, or just to hear her voice. My mother is a really cool chick.. She raised us and taught us how to be adults who will be parents and how to deal with certain things in life even when we didn't realize it then, trust me we know it now. My mom let us be kids and she scarificed so we didn't want or need for anything. She my have missed out on sports events but I was ok because we understood. My mother would joke with us and be silly with us.. Lawd my mom tried to teach me how to whop.. Yeah she as wrong. Hahahaha.. Just thinking back to that day makes me smile, hell even laugh out loud. I moved away but in my heart I really didn't. I still talk to and laugh with her everyday sometimes quite a few times a day, ok most times its a lot.. My mother is one friend that I can tell my most embarassing moments to and we will laugh. Or I will call her and say let me tell you the stupid things I did.. She knows when something is bothering me, and when I'm not feeling like myself I know I can call her and she will snap me out of what ever funk I'm in.  She is my mother everyday but I will loan her to you just so you can experience her awsomeness, greatness and love that she has for us and everyone she comes across, well mostly everyone.. haha.. She taught me what it means to be a mother. And if I can only be a fraction of what she is when I have children I will be a great one. So tomorrow if your feeling sad just think back on the silly times and smile.

Happy Mothers Day Shortie...

Baking

I have been baking up a storm lately.. I guess that's a great thing since I decided to open up a cupcake compay.. But cupcakes aren't all I will have available. I will be shipping orders as well.. Lately I have been baking bread and pretzels.. Tonight I made sme bread sticks to go along with cheddar broccoli soup and both are delicious. These past week I have made carrot cake cookies, chocolate chip cookies, vegan lemon cupcakes, oreo cupcakes and so much more. I will be excited to introduce my company to the world soon enough.

When I was younger I walked to school in....

When I was younger I had to walk to school in a blizzard. No we really did.. LOL.. And a loaf of bread was a dollar and gas was like 65 cents a gallon. Growing up we have dreams and wishes. We have games that we play, and some we win and some we loose.. And some we loose really badly. We are taught lessons, some we learn and some we are still learning.. But when I think back to when I was growing up I would have never thought I would be right here.. Thinking back to the game MASH.. I married the man of my dreams, have a great home in the place I have always picked (Just somewhere warm), and what Cam has always picked a bus pass.. LOL.. But I couldn't be more ecstatic.. I cant see me being much more happy than this moment. As I look back on my life I was taught so many things, and yet I am still trying to learn them all.. I look back to when we used to play hide and seek on 23rd street, or race from one light pole to the other.. Build igloos under the porch when it snowed a lot. Sit on the porch and play vextrex. Watch the rain fall while eating ice cream and cookies. These are my happy memories and I have a hell of a lot more. The world I grew up in is not here any longer.. The music is different, the attitudes of people and parents are different. The people are different. The world truly is different. While growing up my mother would play music on her record player and we would jam.. I didn't start listening to rap until I was way older. But the lessons of love and life were there. Now music is garbage. I understand what my parents must have felt when our generation of music came out because I have a great disdain for this generation of music that is out now. Maybe the world is the same as it has been, when we get older we are quick to say "when I was younger" Man I cant tell you how many of those stories I heard.. But I find myself saying them now. Maybe the world is the same and I am the one that changed. Maybe the lessons that I was taught made my views change. Maybe I was sheltered in a way. But either way I am proud to say I have become one of those "when I was growing up" people.

Thinking

As I sit here in the Sprint store I look back on this past year and how everything worked out.. And I noticed I am smiling and everyone here proberbly thinks I'm crazy. But a little less than nine months ago I got married and became a Clark. I am honored to take this name, because with the name I also got a husband, a step-son, a couple more sisters, and other family members that comes along with him.

But man no one tells you it will be easy.. They tell you to never go to bed mad but that goes out the window when your mad and sleepy.. "They" seem to say a lot. "They" always seem to be lurking on blogs and married people groups... But we never see who these so called "they" people are. You love your spouse with all your heart, but they don't tell you there will be days where you don't like them or anything they say or do. But you will stand in the biggest wind storm right next to them holding their hand.

People don't realize that getting married won't make things better. But what it does is magnify everything times 1000. So if you had problems before you got married they are still there. That smile he/she flashed will get old... The tantrum she used to throw when she doesn't get her way, will no longer be cute.. This isn't easy, and everyday I'm learning more about myself as well as him. You never fully understand or know someone no matter how long you may have been together.

Relationships aren't easy at times but hell a marriage is hard work. What you put into your marriage is what you get... I don't claim to be an expert on marriages or relationships, and I don't claim to be an expert on mine.. What I'm telling you is "THEY" don't really know what works for you, only you know for sure what works for you. So don't listen to they, or your friends.. Listen to you and your spouse.. Y'all are the only ones in your relationship or marriage.

Sunday Thats it just Sunday...

I deactivated my Facebook page on the 29th of February, and I don't feel the need to go on and be on it as much as I was. It takes a lot of time out of your day to read a bunch of nothingness.  The reason behind the whole not being on Fb was mainly to develop and put more time into my business venture. And So far it is going well. I will be back later on in the week to speak more to you about what else is going on in my life... But for now just relax and don't indulge in anything that will make you feel drained in the end..

My Life

Ok so me and the Mr have talked about me giving up twitter and FB at the end of the month.. So I have already deactivated my twitter and FB will be deactivated on the 1st.. He will post my blogs.. But I can be doing so much more with my life than I am doing right now.. I haven't been writing as much as I should.. Ever since social media came into play I haven't interacted with people, real people like I used to.. I will blog more.. My mind will serve a better purpose.. It is easy to get a hold of me but for some reason I have dumbed down my way of living.. I have made myself believe that social media is keeping me in contact with my family and friends.. But it really isn't.. We don't call each other like we used to.. It does serve it purpose when it comes to seeing pictures of different events that I was unable to attend.. I want more for me than just sitting in front of my laptop screen reading about other peoples lives.. Or lack there of..

I will do much more with my time.. I will spend it with my dogs, writing, being a better wife, exercising ( ok I will try), and coming up with other ideas to combat my boredom.. See you, talk to you, skype with you, IM with you later..

Until next time.. 

Whats was on my mind at 7am..

I have always felt some sort of way about getting in front of a crowded room and saying my poetry.. Even though Steve talked me into doing open mic nights plenty of times and I did it.. I loved it.. But I could never be fluid enough to me.. I can study my words constantly but it would never come out the way it is supposed to. I would get nervous and sweaty and at the last minute I don't want to do it. But then I think well they called my name and I would look like a major punk if I dont. So I would do it and the poem would be great but the delivery would be the worst. I know it was or maybe I am just too hard on myself. Don't get it twisted I was born with a pen in my hand and I went to sleep with paper as my pillow. I have always like writing since I first heard Nikki Giovanni in third grade. When I grew up I wanted to be a famous writer. Hell my grand daddy even told me I was good :) . But for some reason I am so jealous of those that can stand up and speak their words with such precision and it just rolls of their tongues.  I have a few friends that I can watch them over and over again. Every time I hear my husband do his thing I fall in love with him that much more. He really does inspire me to do better. To write more. You see when I write it isn't always about love. I write about everything, love, I don't really like you, I remembers, at this moments. I write what I feel. I dream of writing. But by the time I wake up the words are gone. Maybe I can invent a machine that would transcribe my dreams that way the words will never leave me.

I have always felt some sort of way about getting in front of a crowd and saying whats on my mind. But you just made it that much better. And one day I will be able to tell you all this in person.

VAlentines Day

When we were little every year my mom would get me and my brother something small and a box of those hard stale candy hearts, and a 99 cent card.. Oh and we would have cupcakes.. I loved it.. As you grow older certain holidays seem a little different.. As you have kids you remember how your parents were able to make anything seem huge... That box of hearts and my 2 dollar toy was everything to me then.. And thinking back on it it is still everything to me.. I remember one year my mom decided to get me a carebear cousin Losta Heart Elephant and got my brother one as well.. But she got him one that seemed more boyish like the brave heart lion.. It wasn't until recently that I was reminded of it.. Yes I still have all of my stuff animals.. But the thing is parents are your first valentines, then you dump them for some boy or girl in elementary school.. But your mom will never stop giving you love and to me thats what Valentines is all about.. The love.. But at this stage in my life I don't see it as a holiday.. Not for me anyway.. As I got older and worked in retail I saw how commercial it has become.. Everything goes on sale.. Perfume, you get mailers in the mail from jewelry stores, females look to get engaged on this day.. And get mad if he got her something else.. Maybe it was always that way, but I never saw it as a kid because to me it just meant a 99 cent card, a stale box of heart, and a small toy.. And love from my mom..

Maybe when I have children I to will give them lil things on this day.. We will see.. :)

Ok so today I have decided to start a cup cake business.. I know how you going to sell cupcakes when all you do is eat them... I am a great baker, and I will just have to learn that everything I bake I don't always have to eat. Yeah right we will see how that comes about.. Well today is my first day of the rest of my life.. And So far so good.. Lets see what tomorrow will bring..

Greatest Love Story

My mind is blocked. I have tried to write so many times and yet when the pen is in hand and the paper is under it the pen wont seem to move or better yet it cant move. I know I have plenty of things to write about, like love, hurt, disappointments, and just plain life. And yet my mind is blocked. I know I can never get tired of reading a good love story, or a poem about love, but I just cant seem to get the words out to write about them. I haven't written a good "I really don't like you right now" type poem in a long time. I guess you can say it is a good thing. I have been trying to get my stuff together but it is hard. Mainly because if I try to and get it together I will have to finally admit it is in the shitter.. For the past 3 years or so I have written at least 50 poems and started 3 or 4 books. I just cant seem to finish them. I want to write the greatest love story ever told. And yet every time I want to write the "When Harry met Sally" but on a better, or the Notebook but on a different scale. I want to write about when boy meets girl, boy falls for girl, girl falls for boy and they love each other until the end.. They have their forever. I want the Jack and Jill where the guy is always by my side and I forever by his type of story. As I have said I want to greatest love story ever told. I want my love to be my best friend a person that I know I can count on throughout any and everything. In order for me to write a story like that, I have to believe in a story like that that. I would love to completely believe that there are no heart aches , lies, or disappointments. I don't know if there has to be those but in order for life to go on there has to be right. I mean before you know you have that kind of love aren't there supposed to test to prove that it is what it is. Or as some people say signs of the heart. I mean isn't that what love is supposed to be about sacrifices, along with trials and tribulations. I will write the greatest story ever written and when I do, will you read it too..

New Year

I know I am kind of late when it comes to writing about the new year.. But a lot has happened for me with me since the year started. I brought in the New Year with some great friends, but the next day I was rush to the hospital with pains in my stomach. It was then that I was told that I needed to have a Myomectomy.. What that is in plain english surgery. They would open up my stomach and take out a large fibroid. Now some people don't know this but I have had fibroids in my stomach just hanging out with my uterus for a year, well I found out a year ago. I have been to 4 doctors since learning of me having them. The first two after my doctor found them told me that I needed to have a hysterectomy, I was devastated being as though I was only 30 years old with no children at all. Then I said I will get a 3rd opinion, well doctors 3 and 4 told me I will need to get a partial hysterectomy. I wasn't as devastated because to me that was progress. To some it may not seem like it but that meant that I will still be able to have children just wont be able to carry it. But once I was rushed to the hospital twice in a week I was told all I needed was a Myomectomy. All they would do is go in and just take out the fibroid they would touch anything else in my body. It was like a weight lifted off of me. Now came the big part of it all. I was so nervous and so scared, it was my first major surgery and I didn't know what to expect. I have seen so many tv shows where things went wrong in the hospital but this was something I had to do. So I was told that it wasn't just one fibroid but two the size of grapefruits, one was on my uterus the other was on my stomach. I have always known I had great family and friends, but it really helped that I had some people here for me besides my Mom, being as though the rest of my family is in Philly. So I had the surgery and have been losing my mind but all in all I am a lot better. So I started out this year with surgery, a lost of 15 lbs and a new view on my life.. I just want to get out of bed so I can enjoy it..

As the holidays come around you start to remember the past ones. As we look at our kids you think back to when you were that age and how life was so easy then. Now we are older and wiser, a little more mature than we were then but we still miss the little things. Me, I miss the family that I have lost, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins. But for some reason some sayings just sticks out and you find yourself repeating it and smiling as well. I was taught so many lessons as a child/teenager and paid attention to none. But here I stand 31 years on this earth and sometimes in the nether realm and I find myself repeating some of the things that I have learned. My grandfather used to say everyone wasn't born with common sense but being a HART we were lucky. But then again my grandfather used to say whosinever and whatsinever.. But I bypass those words and looked to his knowledge that was taught to me. My Uncle Jimmy use to love to curse someone out or just plain curse then he would smile afterwards it was like a cleanse for the mind.. As he would say fuck them shit they have no need worrying about what the fuck is going on in your life unless you brought them into your life. He has taught me so much and I am still learning. Aunt Miriam used to tell me to beat 'em down. No matter how much you winning in a fight never let up til they are down. She was a tough 80 year old. But as I grew older I don't take it as a physical fight but a fight to the finish.. Aunt Rosie was the one that made sure you knew you were special and beautiful and could tell if you were down and not really feeling like your usual self that day. She used to tell me to never frown because smiling was contagious... Hell I can go on and on. But as I said I was taught so much and yet I am still learning from it all. How to hold a bat, golf club, how to jab, and beat 'em down. But also how to love, be loved, how to hurt but not show it too much, how to pick myself up off the side of the road dust myself off and keep it moving.